Within families, many contradictions and differences may exist. Conflicts may easily arise because we are close to each other or perhaps not close enough. Families also consist of a colourful range of personalities from different generations and with different experiences, values, and convictions.

Usually everything goes well but sometimes it goes wrong. Conflicts carry a paradox: they seem to separate us, but they also keep us connected, albeit in a destructive way.

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Recognisable? 

 

  • You want to get a divorce and cannot find an agreement with your spouse about the residence of the children, maintenance contributions, parental authority or other arrangements?

  • You are part of a new blended family but it remains difficult for each of you to find your own place in this new family?

  • Siblings having discussions about the division of an estate?

  • Brothers and sisters cannot agree on the extra care for the parent(s), who can no longer organise this themselves (retirement home, home nursing, costs, etc.)?

  • You want to draw up a legally correct agreement in case of a divorce by mutual consent?

  • As parents, you want to make decisions about the choice of school, studying abroad, a move (abroad), a medical intervention, but you can't work it out?

  • You have been separated for a while, but you want to change the agreement made earlier?

  • Etc.

Often, one immediately thinks of starting a lawsuit. However, this often leads to wounds that are difficult to heal, especially in conflicts with people close to you, such as family members. Litigation always entails the risk of trauma due to high costs, long procedures, a harsh and tense atmosphere and aggressive debates. Above all, it always ends in "all or nothing", you either win or you lose.

Preventive and curative

Mediation can make a big difference here and allows disagreements and conflicts to be approached constructively and the relationship to be taken care of.
 

Mediation can be used both preventively and curatively, saving a lot of time, energy, money and energy-consuming traumas. Mediation is a voluntary and confidential process.

 

As a mediator, I act as a catalyst with the people involved and enable them to look for sustainable solutions.

 

As a neutral, impartial and independent third party, I take an unprejudiced attitude towards each person. I do what is necessary to make it possible for each person to listen sincerely to the other and to say what is necessary to solve the conflict.

 

I support the people involved in breaking the deadlock, accepting each other's differences, and understanding each other's needs and interests.

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Mediation process

1.     Preliminary non binding-discussion

During a preliminary non-binding conversation with the persons involved (online or in person):
 

  • I explain my role and the principles of mediation (voluntary, confidential, structured process, etc.),

  • I answer questions, e.g. on the official legal approval of the agreement by the court, judicial and extra-judicial mediation, costs, duration, etc. ,

  • we discuss how to minimize the impact of the divorce on the children,

  • we discuss a possible plan of action (e.g. advantages or disadvantages of several shorter or longer sessions, online or in person, etc.),

  • I explain what information and documents I need (e.g. birth certificates, marriage certificate, insurances, income, etc.),

  • we discuss the involvement of third parties, such as advisors, lawyers, experts, etc.

 

2.    Preparation of an offer and signing of the protocol

 

Start of the mediation


The mediation process consists of several steps which flow into each other during the mediation sessions.

Mapping the problem and the desired goal

 

  • the problem and the different issues at stake are mapped out,

  • the different points of view are explained by each person,

  • the common problem is defined.

 

Evolving from positions to interests

 

  • the interests, concerns, values, priorities of each person are made visible,

  • a dialogue is conducted about which interests are parallel, compatible, or opposing,

  • desires are formulated about the future and how each person wants to/could see the future

 

Creative movement from options to solutions to a sustainable agreement

 

  • the creativity of each person is called upon to generate as many options or lines of thought as possible,

  • a dialogue is conducted on the options that can contribute to concrete solutions with as much value as possible for each person,

  • the participants identify and test the solutions that could result in a sustainable agreement.

  • the mediation agreement is signed

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Finally, the advantages of mediation are:

 

Time-efficiency: most problems can usually be solved in a few sessions (1h30 to 2h) spread over a few weeks (depending on availability).


Cost-effectiveness: dealing with a problem saves time, energy and money compared to letting it lie dormant. The costs of mediation are also significantly lower than those of legal proceedings.

 

You own the solution: instead of letting a third party decide, for example a judge, who does not know you and your family, you and the other persons involved work on a solution yourselves, you are usually 'experts' of your own problem and often have a good view on what works and what does not, which makes a multidimensional approach of the conflict possible. 70% to 80% of mediations result in an agreement.

 

Respect for the relationship: mediation allows you to deal with the existing relationship in the best possible way. It allows you to continue having or to (re)build an open and constructive relationship with the other(s). Mediation also allows you to end  the relationship in a respectful way.

 

Sustainable solutions: mediation contains all the ingredients to reach sustainable and creative agreements focused on the future and adapted to the individual situation of the people involved.

 

Voluntary process: each participant is free to mediate and can leave the table at any time.

Confidential process: each participant and the mediator are bound by confidentiality. Mediation also allows a problem to be addressed discretely.